"This past term I have come to realize that I am not attending Seminary out of a desire to conform to God’s will for my life, but as a goal that I set merely for my own benefit. You see, my father graduated from Southern. I was a baby here, my brother and sister were born here and I always thought that I would return here to further my education, even though I felt no calling into the pastorate.
"In college when I began to gain an appreciation for philosophy and a mind to pursue further knowledge of it, I thought that maybe this was my calling, to teach philosophy at the college level. It would give me a reason to go to Southern, I thought. Nowhere in my reckoning was a pursuit of God’s will for my life. I was merely traveling a path of interest, assuming that God would bless me in a pursuit of knowledge of him. But for all the knowledge I’ve gained, my relationship has not blossomed further. I’ve studied God like one studies history, not as the dynamic being that he is.
"This is why I can’t continue here at Southern. I need to work on a knowledge of God that comes from the soul, not from the head. For me, this means immersing myself once again in the Church, not in books and papers. Not that a person can’t meet God there, but it’s not a world for those who are struggling in their relationship with God."
The decision was made a month ago now, before our Hallowgivingmas party. I am no longer a seminary student. Currently, I don't know what I am or what I'm supposed to be and its the most difficult place I've been in. I've always had some kind of occupation in mind as an ultimate goal, even if that occupation has changed drastically, there's always been something I could shoot for. Now that the targets I set up are all gone, maybe God can show me the one I was supposed to be aiming at all along.
We're going to be moving in with my parents for a little while until we get this thing figured out.
We move one week from today.
Well, now we're moving in less than 3 days! Nathan's parents are bringing a trailer down early Friday morning and we're hoping to make quick work of all the loading we have to do. I feel like we have most of our stuff packed, and Nathan has carried all of those packed boxes to our storage unit in the basement (way closer to where they'll need to be), so I feel good about our progress.
Besides packing and loading up, we just have to thoroughly clean the whole place and sign out. I hope everything goes smoothly!